I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize