I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
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You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
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In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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