Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
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