With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I have fence marks all over my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize