I'm drive I can fine osifer
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
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