Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
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He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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