just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I must be too annoying 4 u.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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