I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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