Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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