I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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