There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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