Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize