Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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