At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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