I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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