I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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