DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize