people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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