It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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