A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
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She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
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I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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