you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize