Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
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