She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
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I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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