Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize