I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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