I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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