I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize