You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
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My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
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Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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