the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize