You're my little dorito
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize