i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
