There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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