Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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