If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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