he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
