video games are the ultimate cock blocker
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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