after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
There's always time for handjobs
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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