my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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