I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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