it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
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its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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