Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
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He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
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Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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