No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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