Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
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You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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