If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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