he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
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i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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