"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
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some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
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all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
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