tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize