I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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