I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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