**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
there's paper in my vomit.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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