My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
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Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
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Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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