Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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